Thirty Plus One Candles

I blew out the candles so quickly, you don't get to see them lit. Wonder what I wished for?? Right now, it's more pie!

Thirty-one snuck up on me. The flip of the calendar was gentle and painless. It wasn't a thing like turning thirty. The countdown began the moment I turned 29; I was on the precipice of real adulthood (or so I told myself). For at least half a year in advance I referred to myself as thirty, in preparation for the shock to my system, I suppose. And it was shocking to leave my twenties behind. However, life did not change. I felt rather the same after the big day had passed. Maybe I was a little more nervous about the idea of being single and childless.

This time around, I'm used to being in a new category - my thirties. I am yet a little more nervous about the idea of being single and childless, but in general I feel good. In fact, I felt younger and more energetic on my birthday than I have in a long time. Last year, I decided it was just about time to make things happen for myself. I move at a slow pace, so it took me most of my thirtieth year to implement this program. I call it "Project Me," and I have posted about it. Through "Project Me" I develop the best parts of myself, stand up for my own needs and desires, live a healthier lifestyle, and pursue my goals. In the past year I have made strides - I am a little bolder, a lot stronger, a tiny bit less of a pushover, and I am seeing the benefits of these changes. For this my thirty-first year, my goals are to develop more positive self-talk (and shush that demon who lives to make me miserable), tweak my eating habits even more so my gym sessions will yield a higher pay-off, take professional risks (in a good way), and simply focus on my own happiness.

Today, appropriately enough, I spoke with an alumna of the college for which I work. She was seventy. She told me about all the exciting things she has been up to recently - including starting a business and buying her first home. In the middle of her monologue, she paused and said, "There are some advantages to getting old." I said, "Thanks for letting me know, since I just turned 31 yesterday. I was a little nervous about the whole thing." "Oh, you're so young!" she said. "Don't be nervous. The thirties are great years." And I believe her. I look around at all the young but a little older than I am actresses I admire. Once they hit their thirties, they became more beautiful, more confident, more talented, and more amazing than they ever were before. I do not think this is just a famous person phenomenon. I think at around thirty, we are finally instilled with enough self-realization, self-confidence and life experience to live honestly and to work toward self-fulfillment. The woman I spoke with said that in your thirties things that don't matter all that much to your own happiness leave your life. I like that thought. I am ready to get lighter as I grow older.

 

***

The perfect blueberry pie - made with love by my mom and sister. It tasted as good as it looked.

Ah, yeah. Look at those crumbs. You know what makes a pie crust nice and flaky, right? Butter, lots and lots of butter.

Last year, my sister threw me a surprise party. It was the big 3-0, after all, and it was really special to have everyone make such a big deal over me. I also went out to dinner with friends, celebrated with my boyfriend at the time, and had dinner at home with my family. This year was low-key. Last night, my mom made taco salad with the mashed red beans (faux refried beans - so yummy and healthy!) I so love. Instead of birthday cake, I requested blueberry pie - my mom and brother made one a couple summers ago. Big mistake! Now, it's replaced apple cake (which I had every year for about ten years) as my "birthday cake" of choice. I had a really great night with them!

The fam: My bro - so GQ, my mom cutting pie at lightning speed, my dad hamming things up, and my sister lookin' purdy.

So, how about you? What did you do for your most recent birthday? I always feel so sad when people aren't celebrated or don't want to celebrate. I hope I am never too old for birthdays! Speaking of aging, how do you feel about it? At thirty-one, I am hardly old, but I know that's where I'm headed! It's either there or... the alternative. I'm enjoying the journey so far. I look at the students I work with daily - their youth and energy and beauty inspires me. I wouldn't want to go back, though. I love the perspective I've gained on life. Sometimes I laugh a little to myself and think of what a fool I must have been when I was their age. And, of course, to a seventy year-old, I am sure I have plenty of time left for a little foolishness without redoing my most youthful years.

XO,

Alison :)

Project Me: Getting Better...

The only Project Me topic I've been focused on this week is getting better. I have felt puny since I developed a cough and congestion last Thursday. Since then, I've spent the majority of my time in bed, or, now that I am back to work and feeling somewhat better, on the couch in the prone position. From that position, I have had a lot of time to contemplate my living room. See below for a few of my favorite views from the couch:

Row 1: The television (Criminal Minds tonight), of course, along with my new mantel tableau, which includes two vessels handmade by me, a framed print that once belonged to my grandma, a segmented box from my grandma's house, random natural objects, and what I choose to refer to as my "mantel clock."

Row 2: 1) My most favorite garage sale find ever - a green Frankoma shell vessel. This baby became mine for the high price of $2.00 and kicked off a love affair that's still going strong; a wooden vase hand-turned by me; Memory Box, a printer's drawer customized by me; garage sale pillows; and vintage radiator native to my apartment. 2) A red purse beside a woven basket under the coffee table I borrowed from my grandma years ago.

Row 3: 1) Just a few of my books accompanied by framed photos of my family and me, a ceramic bowl filled with a variety of seed pods, a shoe sole, and a silver spray painted replica of The Thinker. Kitschy, no?; 2) The gorgeous light fixture came with my apartment. I wish I could take it with me when I move. 3) The door to my porch with feathers originally featured here.

What objects in your own home do you admire on a regular basis? I would love to take a peek!

I hope you are all having a lovely Thursday night,

Alison :)

Project Me: But for the Grace of...

Rise above. Find pretty photos like the one above here.

 

Do I possess grace? This is the question I have been asking myself all week. If you see me walk across the room, you might wonder. But I am talking about walking through life with grace, never mind a room.

Most people who know me would say I am nice. Some of those people would call me too nice. But that really doesn’t answer the question, does it? Niceness can hide a plethora of sins.

My biggest allies in the fight against grace? Road rage. Judgment. Envy. Grudges. This week I have decided to be more mindful of my reactions toward people or big metal stand-ins for people, in the case of road rage. I want to let go of slights, and not hold them against people. I want larger transgressions to act as catalysts to make me better. Chances are, people are unaware of what they do - like when they cut you off changing lanes. The people who are aware, well, they probably don’t really matter all that much in the grand sweep of your beautiful life, anyway. Or, if they do matter, I want them to matter in a way that brings clarity and positive change.

My goal is to approach the irritating, obnoxious and just plain awful with a little more generosity. I won’t swear the incidences and people I have experienced (and, yes, some people constitute an experience) won’t make it into my memoir someday, but I will at least try forgive them at some point along the way.

Another even greater challenge is to apply the same philosophy to myself. I often turn judgment and guilt inward. What about you? What are your thoughts on grace? Do you judge yourself more harshly than the people you judge?

Alison :)

P.S. I use the phrase “But for the Grace of God...” All. The. Time. I apply it to all kinds of situations where if the circumstances were just a little different, I would find myself in a truly dire situation ("But for the Grace of God, I could have been raised by Tea Partiers." Kidding, kidding. It's okay if you say the same thing about being raised by Bleeding Hearts, for which I am truly thankful.). I believe in the accuracy of that statement as applied to my own life, and I think I can use it as a personal shortcut, of sorts: “But for the Grace of Alison, so-and-so would be a huge b*tch,” for example. Instead of labeling, which is often my first line of defense, I am going to try to act graciously toward people/myself, whether or not I think they/I actually deserve it.

Project Me: A Time for Change

Putting on the attitude. Photo taken by my lovely friend Kate.

 

Nearly half the first month of 2012 is over, and I recognize very little of my regular self in my daily habits. I no longer reach for the ever-present bag of bite-size candy bars in my boss's office. I drink more water than diet pop. I spend my time prioritizing the gym over any other social activity. I actually want to run and run well. I am of a vastly different mindset than I was last year when I thought I was in love. You could say these changes in my life are due to the high hopes of a new year, but you would be (mostly) wrong. 

It is true that 2011 was rough on me. With the loss of a job, the stress of finding a new one, and the end of a relationship, the passing of 2011 does not pain me at all. It took me months to assess myself following these blows (or opportunities for new experiences), and I know I am not finished with "Project Me" yet. Not by a long shot. 

A pivotal moment on this journey came several months ago. I was driving from my parents' house to my apartment one night feeling rather peeved about a situation in which I found myself. I realized that I work harder at pleasing the men in my life than I work at pleasing myself. It is not that I am afraid to be single. I am single far more often than not, and I think there is a real benefit to knowing yourself without the influence of a partner. When I am with someone, however, I want it to be the truest best kind of love. I work hard to make relationships last, and I put up with behavior I do not deserve for far longer than I should. 

My response to this epiphany has been to act with unapologetic selfishness when it comes to relationships. Yes, I am still compassionate, but now I am allowing myself to turn that compassion toward my desires. I demand more me only time, more time to develop positive habits, the permission to say "NO" without feeling bad or ungrateful... I even give myself license to envision giant successes earned all on my own.

What about you? What changes have you made that have improved your life? I would love to hear your stories of self-improvment, and I can always use good tips! I have a looooooooong way to go.

XO,

Alison :)